Bundle of contradictions...

Life is such a tragicomedy, such a satire...
Some things cannot be explained, cannot be justified, cannot be understood. It can only transpire and leave the people involved with a totally new perspective and change them forever perhaps. To understand even a bit, one would've to be able to experience at least a layer, at some level, some dimension.
No questions asked, no explanations given. A realm beyond physicality, beyond names and definitions and yet undeniable. Something abstract and yet tangible. A thrust, an awareness, a realisation, coexistence of Realities. Life and thoughts yet again converge, overlap into an ephemeral bubble that is and yet not. And when at last someone pauses to listen, to understand, and is moved, it becomes the Reality  that we perceive and connect with. A glimpse of The Infinite through the prism of the finite...

Mirrors don't lie!

 As a little girl, I was happy with what the mirror told me.  I had no concept of being ugly and even believed myself to be beautiful. I could preen in front of the mirror for hours, playing with my hair, wearing huge dangly earrings. I had long thick hair falling upto my waist, and tendrils fell around my cheeks. - a la- Shobhana. The world was a happy place.

And then I grew up. I no longer liked what the mirror told me. A too narrow face, hollow cheeks, spectacles, a dracula tooth to boot! The hair was all but gone as a result of hostel life.  I did not think I was ugly, but neither was I happy.

Then marriage happened. I woke up a beautiful woman. The mirror was neglected. Kids came. Priorities changed. I was content.

The children were growing. Life was changing. I found time to explore new options- Music, Dance, blogging, new friends, a job, learnt to travel in and around the town on my own ( which I had not ventured to do before), and courted success even on the academic front! I was rediscovering myself at various levels. The mirror was not needed. Compliments  received came as a pleasant surprise. I was happy, confident of the person that I had become.

Six months ahead. A few crises in the family. Pain, sorrow, fear, reminders of the transience of life... People started noticing and commenting on visible changes. I had become thinner, my neck was drawn. Biological changes. It felt like I had aged overnight!  I became more concerned about the health factor. Once again, I sought the mirror. I noticed the pepper and salt streaked hair, the crows feet and dark circles around the eyes, the laugh lines. Photos taken were deleted with vehemence. Confidence hit the lowest ebb .

The family's reassurances were not enough to bolster self esteem. Compliments on FB were but a temporary solace. I had read somewhere that no one looked as bad as in their voter's identity card nor as good as in their FB profile picture. :-)

I had once resolved that when the time came, I would age gracefully. Not as easy as I had imagined. I believed that I was not too concerned about good looks, just about neatness and presentability may be. .. Obviously I had been deluding myself.

Just a matter of time...shall learn to accept the ravages of nature. :-)

Splash!!

Two pebbles thrown into the river:

July 13th

 Celluloid Poetry

July 14th


 Coming Alive

Three shots at once

July 10th


 Straddling two worlds


July 11th


 Experience diluted


July 12th


  Saffron allure

Coy Maiden

 Coy Maiden

Reaching out...

         
 Reaching Out... 
        

Where did all the moments go?

(July 7th)


 Where did all the moments go?

Between Y'day and Today

Between Y'day and Today 

Homecoming

 Homecoming 

Growing up!

 Growing up

Making Amends

 Making amends

Street Performers

Street Performers

July Is here!

The River begins...

The first pebble in the month of July:

  Listening

Stone # 61

 Silent  Music

Not on Talking terms...

We are not on talking terms anymore. We don't even run into each other any where. I've no idea where she is. We are not in touch.
When did she stop talking? Or was it that I stopped listening? Or perhaps she did call, and I did not hear her voice above the din? I hadn't even noticed the silence...until today.
Today, somebody asked me about her. I started to say something and stopped short. I had nothing to say, I did not know what to say. Did I leave her behind or did she race ahead?
Coming to think of it, I did have this vague awareness of being alone, of the silence.
Where do I look for her? Even if we do happen to meet again, would we recognise each other, would we able to resume from where we left off?

I miss you Ardra...

Remembering...

Is it really a year that has passed by? Wasn’t it just the other day? How did we manage to cross this one year? It had felt insurmountable then.

A long drawn year, each day heavier than the last has passed by. Another Ulsavam- Temple festival came by and went.  There was the shamiana in the temple precincts, the stage was decorated, the concerts took place, the crowd was there, and we were in the crowd.  The awareness of a certain absence loomed large in the consciousness, sometimes feeling like a thick, unwieldy slick and sometimes like waking up with a start from a horrible nightmare.

They’ve named the street where her home stands, after her. The silence, the emptiness, reverberated with her absence. Every unspoken word was laden with memories.  Walking through her home, touching the wall, the vessels in her kitchen, the shelves, a forlorn hair clip, one sought her presence in vain.

Picking pebbles

CUT!

Freedom? 

The Blog trail...

I sometimes drop onto other blogger stops and find myself caught in an enchanting web of slices of life.
Today, I first landed  Here , from there, I found myself  here and then stumbled into  This.


(image courtesy :http://writeanything.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/foot-steps-on-rippled-sand.jpg?w=200&h=300)

Writing Exercise.

Ever since I joined the 'River of stones' project, and have been attempting to write crisp , compact 3-4 lines on anything that catches my eyes/ ears, thoughts, I suspect  that I'm no longer able to churn out long winded sentences. This last sentence has to be the longest in a long time. My last post, I had composed like a poem and then I simply deleted the spaces in between and tweaked it a bit here and there to make it prose! I've forgotten how to weave words into prosaic sentences. Every thought now comes abridged , whether it qualifies to be labelled poetry is another matter.

This post is actually an exercise to see if I'm still able to coin sentences.

Scouring for stones...

Had been on vacation to a hamlet in Kerala- South India. Its a beautiful place with greenery, birds, insects, even slithery reptiles- nature in all its splendour. 

I was thinking, that once I came here, there would be stones and rocks all around just waiting to be picked. 

I stepped into the garden, pen and paper in hand,senses on high alert waiting for the elusive stone. Nature was romping about in all its glory, birds twittered, devotional songs wafted down from the neighbouring temple 

and still no stone, not even gravel met my roving eye.

My son came by,  gave me a long, hard look. He stepped out, fished out a nice, round, shiny pebble from the ground, handed it over to me. "Here's your stone for the day", he chuckled, eyes glinting with mischief!

New stones...

at Pebble trove 


Stones  54,
            55,
            56, 
            57,
           58

It can happen...

A difference has been made...

Stones # 50,# 51, # 52, # 53

Stone # 50- Brimming Over


Stone # 51- Viscous Time


Stone # 52- Lonely Journey


Stone # 53- Dead End 

Visit to an Old Age Home

As we stepped into the next dormitory , a whiff of medley smells assailed our senses. Eager faces searched us expectantly. Their eyes were vacant pools of desolation. I had this sudden urge to run away, far away from that abyss of wretchedness but I stay put.  My lips quivered with stifled sobs and I struggled to keep my smile intact.

A recent inmate asked us where we were from and her eyes lighted up to hear the name of her hometown. She told us about her only son, of her husband who passed away  recently, of festivals celebrated, of the street where her home was located. Another woman informed us that her son would come to fetch her soon ...

They had blessings on their lips, their shriveled hands reached out to touch us- we from another world to which they once belonged.
Silence loomed large on our way back home.

Stones # 46, # 47, # 48, # 49

Stone # 46: Pandemonium

Stone # 47: Trapped

Stone # 48: Gift Unwrapped

Stone # 49: Kaleidoscope

The Pebble Trove

I've stashed up all my stones for The River of Stones   project collected since Jan 29th through the months of Feb and March in one place:

The Pebble Trove 

I'm hoping to participate in the July challenge of  The River  

Stupor

Sitting, waiting, watching
another time, another place
Unbelievable, Unreal...

(pic courtesy: http://inkindle.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/waiting.jpg?w=300&h=183)

Reverberations...

some words,uttered before,
listened to,responded to,
then set aside...
the ripples remain after
the moment is long gone
and the hangover lingers...


(image courtesy: http://www.itsbeach.com/circles.jpg)

Unavowed...

Scattered thoughts, baffled feelings
Was it really so long ago
seemed like just yesterday
Nothings's changed?


(image courtesy: http://blogs.sun.com/factotum/resource/confusion.jpg)

Survival

Precious voices
Beyond seas
Across continents
sustenance ensured


(image courtesy: http://www.whatistruth.info/blessings332.jpg)

Fury Incarnate

The earth moved, 
the ocean in a frenzy,
surged forth to swallow land
A nation ravaged...

Metal in Bloom

Metal in Bloom

Round and round the electric wires
leaves, buds and flowers sprouted!

(pic courtesy: http://www.holoweb.net/~liam/pictures/2007-04-raleigh/pages/img_1813/img_1813-333x500.jpg)

Fine Tuning

Fine tuning

Tuning in and tuning out 
the static grating on the ears
And then at a precise frequency
clear as a bell!

So are you the Exemplary Woman?

Do I fit the bill? 


 No thanks...


I'm loving the brouhaha here, here,( I loved the title too- I want to adopt the slogan),   and elsewhere

Nimble feet

Nimble feet


The striped squirrel sprinted sprightly 
dodging the jagged glass edges 
of the compound wall.




(image pic courtesy:https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_g6tiqhURlQTAgQmMiC3cu7SKoZ5_3KeJagb9LnWYsiS-ijxaQvNus8ZXIgyGT-U18-ESC4W9yRNGIvFubI0juk5r04CbAAyMKzBEGeX_hZv0RQvb9I2UkT2rZ0vxELJ_xW6D/s400/DEL+Apr10+3-striped+Squirrel+01.jpg)

Salangai Oli

Salangai Oli
( Rapture, Blessings )


Quivering bells on 
poised feet
waiting in the wings
for the music to begin...

(image courtesy: http://www.indian-instruments.com/percussion/images/bharatnatyam_ghungroos_k4.jpg)

Peek-a-boo

Peek-a-boo

The evening sun peering through the 
gossamer strands of the cobweb drapery

(image courtesy:http://farm1.static.flickr.com/131/328397259_9c64045e96.jpg)

Once upon a time...

Once Upon a Time... 

Lines creasing the face
sparse greys adorning the pate
knees bent, unsteady gait
teeth stained and broken
Eyes misty in past glory...

Looking at the larger picture

Looking at the larger picture- Mar 3rd



 Zoom in and you get enmeshed in
 the intricate warps , wefts and hues
Stand afar and the image emerges with clarity!




(image courtesy: http://www.absoluterugs.com/pics-rugs/tapestry-antique/antique-wall-tapestry-28064.jpg)

If Only

If Only- Mar 2nd


For a glimpse of  Lost Souls in
The star spangled sapphire silk 
stretching endlessly...


(image courtesy: http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/125279/fairy-starry-night-sky.gif)

Reflected Glory ( Stone # 32)

Reflected Glory- Mar 1st


On the wall, behind the cloth rack, was a round slice of golden light!
The mirror on the opposite wall shimmered in reflected Glory!

Tongue tantaliser ( Stone # 31)

Tongue tantaliser- Feb 28th

the savoury was first crushed,
sprayed with sizzling chickpea gravy
topped with green, brown and red sauces
garnished with finely chopped tomatoes,onions,
sev and coriander sprigs...

(image courtesy:http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_jBBWyKGaBGQ/TCGib704JHI/AAAAAAAAAeA/v7-xhT-Vt6Y/s400/Samosa+Chaat+Ingredients.gif)

Homeward bound ( Stone # 30)

Homeward bound- Feb 27th


Flapping wings, their paths intersecting, 
they bound home wards,
far into the Twilight Orange mist...

(image courtesy:http://www.hopnews.com/geese_sunset.jpg)

Magic of Sewing (Stone # 29)

Magic of Sewing- Feb 26th

Fabric, thread, needle
Measuring, drawing,cutting, sewing
Hand on wheel, 
feet on treadle
from whole to bits and then whole again...





(image courtesy: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfacIA1rk4scfk3q8YG-38BGCMHDPXa_AVW3a-bIyEHLVh-ciIrEt-G93afexn5m0wQoMwPT4FtTTSpy17FcvvuYjkUUXEgS1PEtoe-2z4BxKEHBpWUWH84yvjpJnpIfJTPVqP/s1600/At_the_sewing_machine-765932_49105755.jpg)

Scaffolding (Stone # 28)

Scaffolding- Feb 25th


Today under the blazing sun 
with cement and dust all around, 
some romping about, between wobbly planks and thin air 
and some perched precariously between land and the skies...
to create inviolable fenced in spaces 
for strangers Tomorrow...


(image courtesy: http://www.aluminiumscaffold.net/wp-content/themes/thesis_17/custom/rotator/scaffolding%20header.jpg)

In the classroom ( Stone # 27)

In the classroom- Feb 24th 

Edifying synergy, Ebullient creativity

Vivacious voices, tethered down by timidity

waiting for that gentle nudge of encouragement and succour

to surge forth in abandon...

(picture courtesy: http://www.hindu.com/2008/11/25/images/2008112557730201.jpg)

Playing Truant? (Stone# 26)

Playing Truant? -Feb 23rd

Yesterday the sun was blazing,today nowhere to be seen
the wind is blowing chill,the clouds have rallied
will it rain or won't it?

(image courtesy-http://farm1.static.flickr.com/130/375518699_bf2d7ea0df.jpg)

Chock-a-block ( Stone # 25)

Chock-a-block- Feb 22nd

The yellow and black giant bug
bursting at the seams 
with its precious cargo
tottered into the precincts
chuckles and screams heard from afar
one by one they spilled onto the outside...

(picture courtesy:http://www.hindu.com/2008/06/14/images/2008061461320301.jpg)

Tidal wave (Stone # 24)

Tidal wave- Feb 21st

some days the waters are still, no ripples , placid and calm
easy to watch from the shore
some days there are small ripples, causing hardly any flutter
easy to remain ashore watching

and then there are those days

its windy, there are eddies

swirling and turbulent

and now sucked into the vortex

struggling to stay afloat...

(pictures courtesy: http://cdn.webecoist.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/Moskstraumen.jpg


http://cdn.webecoist.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/Naruto.jpg)

Illusion (Stone # 23)

Illusion -Feb 20th

During some random moment
My vacant gaze falls upon the mosaic tiles 
shapes and colours emerge swimming languidly 
creating a splattered collage...


(photo courtesy:https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9K-Uxc_zp23yQrU3JrbA3Za-UqTG8JrdgLtpRXjkyZdqJFP9_aBOdg6UIAtxG6qE38JUQgililUuDCYbL3Ccc7c-iP0_jxxF4EVYwCDWoMJDsSvSqo2Woe2Nq7B0upT-UiDMaFA/s400/pompeii+mosaic+tile+floor.JPG)

The Train ( Stone # 22)

The Train- Feb 19th


The rumbling gets nearer
There is a slight tremor
A fleeting vision of windows,doors and faces
Yet another cargo of humanity
racing to reach somewhere...

( picture courtesy: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Uae-pHpqdaQ/0.jpg)

Yesterday's ( Feb 18th) Stone # 21

Lull - Feb 18th

The night is still
The trees and leaves are still
Even the air is still
Has somebody pressed the Pause button of Life? 

Reach of the Sun Blades (Stone # 20)

Reach of the Sun Blades - Feb 17th

Blades of sunshine
searing through the coconut fronds 
in the distant grove...
scorching the doorstep...

( photo courtesy : http://coastcaribbeanimages.com/photographs/473/disp_473.jpg)

Whats Brewing! (Stone # 19)

Whats Brewing!- Feb 16th

The spatula slicing through the  splattering stew 

a pinch of this, a dash of that... 

simmering low

the aroma just right

not too pungent, not too bland...

Strangers (Stone # 18)

Strangers- Feb 15th

For a brief slice of time
Two people share the same space
No glances exchanged
No words uttered
The bus comes
And they part forever... 

Had to share...

This

Seeking Warmth ( Stone # 17)

Seeking Warmth- Feb 14th 

The sun tracing geometric patterns 
on the floor through the lattice of the windows...
making it just a tad bit warmer...

(photo courtesy : original copyright :http://admin2.clikpic.com/stevepcox/images/window_shadow01jpg.jpg)

Experiencing Entertainment Theatre...

Yesterday, after a long time, I experienced Theatre once again. The last time was several years ago in Bombay when I was a child. 

Our Womens' Forum, ( The Aura-) of which I'm a member, conducts monthly workshops and speaker meetings for the members dealing with various themes. Apart from these, we also have a few public events. 

So this February it was Theatre that was brought to the temple town of Trichy. A contemporary English play- ‘Five Point Someone’ (based on the novel by the same name by Chetan Bhagat), by the popular and well-established theatre company –EVAM, from Chennai, . They are a professional group who conduct workshops in theatre, produce plays that has entertained millions of theatre buffs all over the world and who offer workspace for those who love to work in this genre of art.

I was looking forward to the event and was predisposed  to enjoy whatever was offered. I had of course read the book, seen the movie, but more than that it was the prospect of experiencing live theatre that was exciting. 
The experience was pretty rewarding and I liked  the treatment and presentation of the play. Stage paraphernalia was minimal, uncluttered and yet effective. The actors were excellent. About the story, much has been said and I've nothing to add. However, if I had to nitpick, it would be about the audibility over the microphones of a couple of the actors which was soon rectified. 

After the play was over, the entire cast and crew introduced themselves to the audience in a very endearing and informal manner. The team of unpretentious youngsters, their enthusiasm and spontaneity was charming and infectious.  Evam's mission is to entertain and to de-stress and that they accomplish effortlessly! We came away entertained and smiling. 

Wishing them success and accolades in their mission to make the world Happier!


Updated to add : http://www.hindu.com/2011/02/17/stories/2011021761880200.htm

All that remains ( Stone # 16)

All that remains- Feb 13th

Memories trapped in the mind
Tears trapped in the eyes
Sobs choked in the throat...

Image trapped in a frame!

Aflame (Stone # 15)

Aflame - Feb 12th

Crackling sounds
Blinding smoke
Licking flames
Burning leaves...

(image courtesy: http://www.deforestationaroundtheworld.com/uploads/5/7/2/3/5723602/1293683.jpg?390)

Blessed Oblivion (Stone # 14)

Blessed Oblivion- Feb 11th


Under the skies, below the over bridge
covered by a tattered sheet, feet sticking out
flies hovering...
blissfully asleep.

Deluding oneself...

( This post  is not a part of the river of stones project) 

When I meet people who knew her, who talk about her...I feel happy. I like to talk about her, to listen about her...then I feel she is still around...will we ever get used to her not being there? Do I want to in the first place?
Today met a couple who knew her, who liked her, who had such good things to say about her...

The Day After (Stone # 13)

The Day After-Feb 10th

The wedding is over

The Day after is also gone

The bride has left

All that remains is the withered festoon

and some scattered rice and turmeric on the floor...

(Right from the beginning of the project we've been encouraging you to really look, and listen and so on and record what you discover. The best of the stones are ones that put us straight in touch with the world, often in a fresh way. In the best small stones, the writer is almost invisible.

In a good poem the poet disappears. That's what the struggle with language is all about. The point is that in the finished poem you don't lay yourself bare. 

Reading the above, I stopped short! I went back to look at my stones...and there in almost every single stone, 'I' loomed large! It was all about me...I was hardly 'invisible'. My writing has always been about laying myself bare!! Where do I conceal myself as I look, listen and perceive? Interesting, challenging...)

Aliment ( Stone # 12)

Aliment - Feb 9th

She had her child on her lap, chattering to her about birds and trees, 
distracting her, so that another mouthful is swallowed...

  ( image courtesy: http://www.exoticindiaart.com/oils/mother_yasoda_feeding_butter_to_kanhaiya_or78.jpg)

Stumped (Stone # 11)

Stumped- Feb 8th

The whiteness of the page
taunting me with its emptiness
I strive to colour it with 
letters, words, phrases
The page is no longer empty for sure,
But now its shallowness 
persists on mocking me...

Fragility Of Humour (Stone # 10)

Fragility Of Humor- Feb 7th

Grains of irritation
Grating the mind
Patience wearing thin
Edges getting frayed
leaving the visage threadbare

Bonded/Bound? (Stone # 9)

Bonded/Bound?- Feb 6th


The bride looked visibly nervous clutching somebody's arm . 
All eyes were on her, everyone eager to see how she looked, what she wore...
The ceremonies progressed solemnly.
The priest said that today was a Blessed occasion, 
Because here was a bond being forged with family sanction!?  
May the couple be happy together
The veterans smiled wearily...
The feast was delicious
For now, that's enough. 


( image courtesy: http://www.newdelhirestaurant.com/images/wedding_hands.jpg)

Growing up (Stone # 8)

Growing up- Feb 5th
He leaned up from the seat in front
looking at us unabashedly
Ah! the pleasures of childhood innocence!
Soon he'll learn to mask his curiosity...
And learn to look through veiled  glances...

Timely Awakening (Stone # 7)

Timely Awakening- Feb 4th

The breeze lashed harshly 
On came the ear plugs
The song in the bus was now a pleasant muffle.
The eyes drooping, The head  nodding, The lips half open
Welcome daze... 
Suddenly startled awake!
Time to alight! 

Fever Ravaged Face (Stone # 6)

Fever Ravaged Face- Feb 3rd


Her sunken  cheeks
flushed an angry red
burning with fever
Her swollen eyes
struggled to flicker open...

The Silver line (Stone # 5)

The Silver line- Feb 2nd


The mercury crawls up the 
tube along the calibrated walls
of the glass thermometer...
I await judgement...

Stones #2, #3, #4

January 30 Stone #2


Flitting glances

I remember to look again, my hands stop in mid air
 as I set aside the vessels...I look outside the kitchen window. 
The setting sun shedding its glistening rays through the trees. 
A gecko crawling against the wall, its tail a grotesque lump, 
this unfortunate lizard has been giving me company 
in the kitchen for many months now. 
I've often wondered why its tail never grew back.
 Or perhaps it did, just that it grew into this shapeless lump? 
I was looking at one thing but this gecko distracted me...

January 31 Stone # 3


Blood and Gore

Two spots of blood on the wall!
 Two spots of blood on the wall of the room- in the hospital.
 She is sprawled on the bed next to the wall. 
She has not seen the blood spots on the wall. 
I keep looking at the spots.
 I feel uneasy. 
I find myself thinking about the story 
behind the blood spots... 

February 1st. Stone # 4


Looking or Seeing?

Paying attention to One Thing?
 I look at one thing, 
a hundred thoughts come traipsing in
 through the window of my eyes into my mind. 
I begin at one point an end up elsewhere. 
Sometimes the eyes, they perform 
the biological function of looking 
but seeing happens with my mind, 
and sometimes the thought falls 
deeper into the soul.  
The thoughts get stirred in words and language
 and the clamour of mute voices silence the world outside.
 Then they die an unknown death 
without having sought to be expressed ...
I keep looking without seeing...

Sounds of Silence (Stone# 1)

The hum of the PC, the sound of chirping birds,
 the whisper of the wind against the trees,
The rustle of the pages
 as my son turned the pages of his book,
 the thump of footsteps from the floor above,
the clamour of happy kids outside,
A door being slammed shut somewhere...

And I was thinking it was so silent in here!!

was led to this A River Of Stones  from
here