What does one do? How does one react? What is that intuition trying to warn one of?
Sometimes I wish I could become invisible- behind the scenes at least…why? Because I don’t think I can face head on some situations- some encounters- some embarrassments- it is so much easier to stay away- things are easier- escapism? Perhaps…I realize it is the wayward thoughts of the past that have waylaid me today…Talk of late reactions- but can I help if yesterday’s or the day before yesterday’s queries have been answered today suddenly? When I had almost forgotten the questions- when they are no longer relevant?
The words enter my auditory system loud and clear- I don’t know how to react- It was not unexpected exactly and yet one had presumed that the other person would not have been so audacious.. I responded with silence- I pretended not to have heard- or atleast not to have understood –
But understood I had, every word, every connotation, implication-and I could not believe my ears! I did not like the allusion- but what was I to do? I could not retaliate on a pre supposed conclusion- it was just a veiled statement which could be conveniently denied…I could not tell anybody else- nobody would believe me- I think- they would think I had been imagining the implications- But I know- I can sense the undercurrents- my intuitions have never been wrong in the past.
How do I deal with this? Bu deal with I shall have to, and I will-
It is strange- sometimes one does not approve and yet one cannot react- the same situation in different circumstances seem so different- all a matter of perspectives- It is amazing how the whole perception gets distorted at times- and all a matter of priorities, principles, ideals – Perception changes with experience too…Sometimes there is a bitter aftertaste to even the most simplified instance- suddenly with a single action/ word a whole situation can be wiped out- a thought or a feeling hitherto justified gets negated in a single swipe of changed circumstances…