Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Are you there???

Today again there was that  fraction of a moment when somebody’s expression suddenly gave me  the illusion that I was actually talking to you. It is such a fleeting moment but in that fraction of a second , I believe you are right here – in front of me, for that fleeting moment, I experience a sense of revelry that you are still here among us. And the next moment yet again that sinking feeling emerges reminding me of the painful truth that you are not here any more. One wishes to prolong that sense of suspended belief , that delusion but it is not to be. There is a pang in the depths of the heart, an overwhelming sense of loss, a feeling of desolation, hopelessness, and futility. And yet there is a weird feeling of reassurance , a sense of absurd relief that you are still alive in our memories. Because I’m terrified of letting myself forget you. Because if I forget you then that will be the true end and that I can’t bear. When you flash in my memory, then it means that you still are, that you shall remain. And for me to go on, I need to believe that . I need to believe that you are watching, that you understand …

I like thinking about you, remembering your expressions, your chuckles, your laughter. I love talking about you... without my eyes welling up. I like to smile when I think about you, talk about you... I like to think you are watching, listening, smiling too... may be, just may be that I would have liked to see you again, talk to you again, listen to you some more, tell you a few more special things...


Anonymous said...

Not sure why... but there was an anonymous comment which has gone missing now. Let me put them again with translation now...

Manzil bhi teri,
Raaste bhi tere,
Main daudun to kya daudun,
Main theharun to kya theharun...


My destiny is you,
My path/way is you,
What/why should I run, if ever I have to run,
What/why should I stop, if ever I have to stop!

These were written in context to your current writing/post.

"Akhil" again, hope you remember!

Keep writing and keep smiling. :)

Ardra said...

HI Akhil! Delighted to hear from you... How have you been? Thank you for commenting. Your comment got deleted inadvertently when I was tinkering with the comments options- and I had no idea it was you. Are you not blogging any more? Your blog page seems to have vanished from cyberspace...thanks again for reaching out.

Anonymous said...

I am good and after hearing from you I am more better. :)

I knew I had to give a break from writing and I did. Not as regular like those days but you can read me at

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