Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Vanishing from Virtuality?

A few times, I have been tempted to just go into hiding- just disappear completely from the virtual world…hide somewhere…but where do I hide from virtuality…wanted to disappear totally from everybody’s radar…to go back to being a nobody…to wipe out Ardra Vamshi…but somehow, I crouch back…still unsure…

Am still reading Fulghum. Second time round…interesting to note how words assume different meanings according to one’s attitudes, experiences- when I read it the first time- I understood it differently and this time, every sentence assumes a different hue and flavour.
Fulghum tells us about his thoughts as he gazes at his sleeping granddaughter- like how actually she belongs to neither her parents or her grandparents fully- that she actually belongs only to herself- how there would always be that “untraversable distance” between them – how to love something and to possess it are not the same thing…
And from then on my thoughts wandered…that is the nice thing about this book- since its not a continous story as such…one can just wander off on a tangent and then come back to it without a hitch… actually, it is like blogs by themselves- just random scribblings…thoughts that occur to Fulghum in his daily encounters, reflections…and so one is permitted to wander, I guess..that’s the way the book flows…

So, now getting on to my trail of thoughts- I was thinking how everything changes ( no please, am not talking abt the change in the site interface…), perhaps we could choose to use the word “evolve” to imply that changes are progressive, positive in nature..but is it always so?
The path of a change follows a curve- a starting point, then perhaps a gradual climb…then reaches the highest point…and then? Does the path remain in that level indefinitely- does it travel along a straight line from there? And would that imply stagnation? Or then does it slowly, imperceptibly trace a downward path? Is that fall inevitable? Perhaps the only difference being in different cases, as to how long it remained at the top before beginning its downward path? What are the factors that govern this path? And is the fall faster in the virtual arena? Is it a more transient situation? The initial excitement and euphoria- does it ebb away too soon? And yet aren’t the stakes involved as real as in the real world? Does decline always bring disappointment and disillusionment in its wake?

Questions remain unasked and therefore unanswered…if I’m being vague here…well then may be its just because there is always an “untraversable distance”-
Equanimity either way- is the solution- whether the curve rises or falls- would be the solution- an attitude of “so far so good”, “as good as it lasts”…fine if it does, fine if it doesn’t- aha, but who sets the rules?

“I told you so”, “Nothing lasts”, “was bound to happen sooner or later”, “too good to last”, - the words resound, echo…I clap my palms over my ears, but the voices still remain loud and clear- because the voice was from within, not without…

I return to Reality…burdened with yet another lesson in Life- take it as it comes, Keep smiling…

(By watching, I know that the stars are not going to last. I have seen some of the best ones melt and run down the sky. Since one can melt, they can all melt, since they can all melt, they can all melt the same night..that sorrow will come, and I know it…

-from the “complete stories of Mark Twain”- by Charles Neider)

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