Saturday, January 01, 2005

Expression of Love

Most people say that they have difficulty in expressing their love and affection to others. Well, fortunately or unfortunately, that has never been my problem. I just cannot curb my feelings and have to express my affection in words or action. I have been that way always. Of course, let not the reader assume that I observe no codes of decorum while at it. The nature and extent of expression naturally depends on the person, the relationship, the circumstances! With people who enjoy basking in affection, I am lavish in my expression, but I take care not to embarrass those who are uncomfortable with display of affections.I always tend to go overboard in my intensity of feelings, in any relationship and most of the time the other person has difficulty in matching my extent/ depth . But, actually, I do not expect them to either. I enjoy my relationships by themselves. I love my family, my friends, and perhaps smother them with my affection. Of course, if it is not reciprocated at all, then obviously I do hurt. But then, this instance has been very rare. Even if the other person is not very expressive, they have always acknowledged and appreciated my affection and concern.

I like to believe that every relationship is preordained and was meant to be! I get emotionally attached to people very soon. The flip side- the bane of attachment! I hate Goodbyes, I suffer terribly from seperation pangs and feel miserable. I still keep in touch with many of my school friends, college mates . Now it naturally follows that I am equally expressive in my other emotions too- one cannot be intense in one aspect and superficial in other areas. It is a personality trait. I get angered easily, though I am constantly working at keeping it in rein. And then, very rarely, I dislike somebody and then dislike would be a very mild word to describe my feelings for that person. Of course, I am particular that I do not do or say anything to express my dislike, but inside, I am not at all charitably inclined. People who know me well, tell me I can be very stubborn, but have no qualms in apologizing or making amends. Another problem I have is over- anxiety regarding the health and well being of my near and dear ones. I tend to panic in crises.My well wishers tell me I should try to balance my emotions, feelings- positive or negative, instead of swinging between extremes. I am trying to learn to take things with equanimity.

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