The following is a repost from 2005
The last few days had been hectic travel- and now I am back home- my husband and I had gone to Kochi for a 2 day visit and we had a great time. Today, I just wanted to relax, laze away the day- so finished all routine chores- and settled down with a book that I got from my cousin this trip- "Chicken soup for Mothers soul"- a beautiful book; some of the stories are so moving and yet soothing- and I am feeling refreshed, at peace with life- and so while I was actually waiting for sleep to just overwhelm me. However, reading the many anecdotes narrated in the book not only banished away all thoughts of sleep- but also inspired me to reach out to my blog friends. So here I am at my pc, typing away!
The stories are obviously about the bond between mothers and children- personal anecdotes recapitulating, reinforcing the depth of this relationship in spite of conflicts, disagreements- each story by different people seemed to me like blogs by themselves; stories with that humane, personal element.
Reading it made me look back at the relationship that I shared with my own amma- we are temperamentally similar but different in habits, ideology. We communicate beautifully as long as it does not concern housekeeping, child rearing and basic discipline! In spite of these differences, there is this underlying communication which transcends distances and time. It is an awareness, a consciousness of being bound together by invisible threads- as if the umbilical cord was never cut off. Of course, we do have royal arguments, harsh words, bitter sulks, but then that is only natural. It is a confidence, a faith of being there for each other come what may. It is an understanding, a soothing sense of security, a comfort level of mutual taking for granted at times.
Many times after a real bad argument, I have retreated feeling totally desolate, lost and miserable, afraid that such things were not meant to happen between a mother and daughter. Afraid that perhaps I had spoilt things beyond repair, that perhaps I had hurt amma too much with my verbal/nonverbal expressions. I would be appalled at the chasm that had just caved in and I would despair of ever being able to surmount it. I would feel suddenly lonely in spite of everybody else in the world. I would want her, only her at those terrible moments of failure. There were also other moments when I felt that I had failed her somewhere, somehow; and invariably soon enough some little thing would happen that reassured me that nothing could ever tarnish this mother- daughter bond- that whatever may be the differences of opinion, the arguments, the difficult moments, it did not matter. - I just had to utter the most beautiful word- AMME- and everything negative would just vapourise.
Then there have been those moments when I faced problems from other sides, other issues, and during such moments, I have never failed to find my mother by my side, holding me, supporting me, strengthening my spirits, my faith and gently bringing me back to track. She taught me the value of relationships, the importance of not hurting others, of respecting others view points even if they did not agree with mine, the power of tolerance, the need to let go of the past- oh, the list is endless.
This account would be incomplete if I did not mention that person who cannot see the gray strands in my hair, cannot remember that perhaps I am too heavy for his lap, who forgets that his grandchildren are perhaps younger than his daughter; that inspite of the numerous occasions when I scream at him, I remain perfect. He loves to remind me of the times he carried me in his arms, of the times when he panicked becos I was sick- and I never tire of hearing it. At times though, he drives me up the wall with his stubbornness ( this trait he has generously passed on to me- so I am told). Yes, that’s my Achhan, he loves me unconditionally, and suffers from selective amnesia – because he does not remember the times that I have hurt him!
I started out this blog to tell you abt the book that I was reading, and somehow, it turned out this way- so now I dedicate this blog to the two people whom I love a whole lot, but cannot hope to match the love they have for me!