Thursday, July 12, 2012

Payback Time


Some years ago, I had written about how I had time trapped in my fist. About how I watched in slow motion while the rest of the world whizzed past me. And now its pay back time. All those days, when I languished in the endless ocean of time, playing with the minutes and seconds-  relishing and savouring every moment, somewhere deep inside, I wondered...I wondered if there would come a time, when I would climb aboard the whirring roller coaster myself . Even then, I had wondered if I could lend time to those who were looking for spare moments, and just in case, I would demand pay back with interest. 
Time has a way with making one eat and chew one's words.
For, now I've entered another phase in my life. I've become a teacher in a  school here, a school that I had always hoped to join. I teach English to little children- of 5, 6 and 7 standards. While I enjoy the teaching part completely, there are hordes of other responsibilities that come as a free deal along with the job. It feels like I've suddenly got aboard a roller coaster that is hurtling fast, fast, up, down and again up and I'm tied to it. My hair is standing on end and my palms are clenched tightly holding onto the seat, my mouth is wide open in a silent screech! Having to climb up and down two flights of stairs adds to the zing. My timings, routine have changed completely and there are times when I feel disoriented like I am jet lagged. 


(To make things worse, after having become an English teacher, I now find myself looking askance at every word I utter or  write. I'm no longer too sure of my Grammar! The Irony!  Professional hazard I guess. And the 'Tanglish' - the 'Kolaveri' kind  that I get to hear all around me adds to the conundrum. I hope I outgrow this phase of self doubt soon). 
However, I hasten to add that I've no regrets. I feel useful, I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. I'm thoroughly enjoying my time with the kids. I realise that I've in store, truck-loads of patience, which I was never aware of. I find myself watching my kids even when they're at their naughtiest best, most boisterous and cantankerous selves.  I've to stop myself consciously from smiling or even laughing at times. Time will tell if they'll drain me off this exuberance. But right now I'm happy where I am.

(See what I hold in my tightly clenched fist? I’ll let u have a tiny peek- just for a moment- there…saw that? I have Time trapped within my fist…you don’t believe me? I don’t blame you…you who are so busy – you who don’t realize when the day is over and night has begun…you who cannot watch the sun set and the stars rise…
 Slowly, very slowly, I loosen my fist ever so little…and a handful of moments slither too soon…In a flash I close my fist tighter than ever- but alas- a few precious moments are already lost to Eternity- I close a single eye and peek thru the gaps in my fingers of my clenched fist- aha- Time is yet again trapped- I breathe a sigh of relief- and yet a few stealthy moments keeps trickling through the tiny gaps- I watch helplessly…counting the truant moments …
 A train flashes by along the broad gauge tracks outside- the boggies are a blur- and I watch from my balcony as if in slow motion- the second needle ticks by inside my home- an on your watch- marking off the same moments from the slice of Eternity and yet some moments are heavy, and some flit by like the caress of a feather- Theory of Relativity?
 A friend of mine tells me he feels like he’s caught in a rollercoaster that does not seem to stop- whirrrrrrrr- round and round – it goes…turning him around along with it… no time to even feel queasy-
Was wondering would it be possible to lend time to those who need some spare moments- except that maybe I’d add one clause- just in case- to be returned on demand with interest…)

10 comments:

P.R said...

enjoy your (payback) time... :)

But I enjoyed the way you had "time trapped" in your fist... beautiful!

& self doubt???

Unni said...

Not only students but teachers also end up doing a lot of home work - preparing for class, question paper setting, answer sheet correction & the like.

kewlmallu said...

Amazing article.. I really enjoyed it, read it out to the kids and explained it to them. Kannan had his mouth wide open in wonder.

Ardra said...

Thank you P.R, yes I'm enjoying my payback time.

Oh Yes Unni, enough and more HW- especially under the Continuous comprehensive evaluation scheme.

Thank you KM,for your words and for sharing it with my precious dears...

vandy said...

CCE :(
m in the same boat..
-Vandy

Arunima said...

and many children like their English teacher the most. :-)

very nice post.

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Tor Hershman said...

Payback & back-pay,

Anonymous said...

marca

Anonymous said...

Lucky kids to have a teacher such as thee, someone who's got a passion for the activity you pursue. As someone rightly said, the english teacher's the most adored one in almost all the schools.