Saturday, May 23, 2009

A Belated Tag...

Scarlett tagged me .

I’m to share the five things that I love about Motherhood.

Motherhood- a concept of an experience that has been glorified to the point of unattainable saintliness. An image that I have struggled to live by, to reach up to, to achieve. An ongoing journey filled with joys and travails, where I keep stumbling, picking myself up, brushing the dust off me, where sometimes the wounds do heal but the scar remains . Yet, I’ve to keep on going till my last breath- once a mother- always a mother. However, whether it be the beautiful memories or the painful ones, Motherhood is cherished like a Blessing. Every day, every moment , a new petal unfolds among the thorns. The fragrance remains…

The vestiges of motherhood was always there, intrinsic, ingrained into my soul- from the first moment I picked up my first doll:

"You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling.
You were in the dolls of my childhood's games; and when with
clay I made the image of my god every morning, I made the unmade
you then.
( ‘The Beginning' - Tagore)

Motherhood is a part of my essence, my foremost priority- a constant awareness which reflects in every thought, action, feeling. Like my mother says, my brother and me feels like an extension of her mind, body, soul…

Motherhood is that part of me over which I have little control. It is like I’ve climbed the roller coaster and cannot get off. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes it thrills me, sometimes I squeal with joy, sometimes I howl in agony.

Motherhood means Unconditional Love? Do I understand this word? I’m not too sure. Loving with absolutely no expectations? May be not in tangible terms but I think there is a lot of expectation in terms of emotions, feelings…

Motherhood means, confusions, dilemmas, anxieties .

Motherhood means wanting desperately to do right by your children, not ever going wrong at any cost.

Motherhood means wanting to be fair at all times.

Motherhood means worrying endlessly about seeming biased, being biased.

Motherhood means being paranoid about having caused hurt inadvertently.

Motherhood means aspiring to rise above being a mere human with flaws and frailties and achieving saintliness in being able to wipe clean from memory all bitterness, hurt and pain.

Motherhood means the regular guilt trips , constantly judging oneself , torturing oneself about having felt certain emotions which are not associated with Motherhood at certain moments.

Motherhood means being able to identify situations when to invisible and unheard, and when to be there with no questions asked, no ‘I told you so’s’.

Motherhood means being unable to hear others speak unfavourably about your child.

Motherhood means glowing with pride at the achievement of one child and aching for the other one at the same time worried whether he will feel insecure.

Motherhood means remembering the absent child every moment, especially when you make his favourite dish, watch his favourite movie, hear his favourite song, and most painfully when you hug the other child.

Motherhood means wanting, willing, praying for The Best for your child in spite of anything and everything.

Motherhood means, watching, waiting, Learning...and accepting.

Motherhood is one long, unending Prayer.

Motherhood means forgetting to count…