Thursday, January 25, 2007

Style Style thaan, Super Style Thaan...

Had been catching up with bloghopping , and got to read the ‘style tag’ that seems to be doing the rounds presently. I found reading the various ‘style formats’ very interesting and also thought to myself that this was a difficult tag. And then when I came to the end of Hiphopgrandmas’s blog, spotted my name.
Oops! I thought, not at all sure if I’d be able to come up with this one. Still I decided to try, solicited the help of a couple of individuals who have known me from fairly close quarters. I must confess that the joint project was not entirely an entertaining exercise. But yes , atleast I got fodder for this post and for this I’m obliged to thank the aforementioned individuals for their valuable contribution. Moreover, the conclusions drawn proved to be conflicting and contradictory most of the time- i.e; mine vs their perceptions. Anyways here’s the analyses drawn for your kind and patient perusal: However, I would like to remind my beloved readers that since I suspect my assistants in this project were prejudiced in their observations , they should not let themselves be influenced by what they read.

Sunshine: I think of myself as this bright ray of sunshine brightening other people’s life- whose path I may cross- bringing cheer to their otherwise mundane existence.
My co- assistants in this project seemed to slightly disagree with this observation. They mentioned that perhaps I was sunshine to certain people within a certain periphery and for a limited period of time, but if they were exposed to extended time period the sunshine would have got too much to bear increasing chances of Heat stroke. According to them, living under the same roof 24/7, 365 days- could be compared to the “Big Boss Scenario” . Oh well, I confess that I do have my share of ‘sulk’ episodes, and do succumb to the ‘tantrum mode’ now and then, but then what else is the luxury and privacy of one’s Home worth if not to indulge in some minor whims and moods?

I laugh out spontaneously and my mirth tends to be rather contagious spreading Happiness, joy and sense of wellbeing- and my laughter is like the tinkle of bells- or may be marbles in a glass bottle- anyways very pleasant to the ears.
Again, there were voices of dissent, certain people insist that my guffaws sound like “maala padakkam’” ( those chain fire crackers that people burst during festivities ) and make people jump out of their skins.

Well, here, we did manage to reach a kind of consensus, upto a point atleast. That is I’m capable of breaking into tears, sobs at the drop of a hat, or anything else for that matter which is droppable. However the point of disagreement arose when I chose to describe myself as someone who is very sensitive, compassionate. A couple of stone hearted individuals preferred to call me an irreparable leaky tap.

I keep away from arguments, confrontations because I’m a peace loving soul, but the same aforementioned assistants of mine accuse me of being an escapist like the ostrich and that perhaps this behaviour could also be attributed to lack of courage. Besides, they reminded me that this burying my ‘head in the mud’ habit of mine was not prevalent within the privacy of Home sweet Home where I had no hesitation in making my voice heard . Sigh…some people are doomed to be misunderstood always.

I like to take things easy, do my things in my own sweet time in my own pace. At this point I thought I heard some mumbled references being made to goose and ganders.

I like to try to convince people when I know I’m in the right and that it would be good for others in the long run to be able to see my point. I’ve enormous patience in trying to drive the point home. This time, I’m sure I heard something about a broken record, and driving up walls .

I’m very expressive in my affection and smothering my loved ones is my speciality. People whom I love will never be in doubt as to how much they’re loved by me. And now the ungrateful souls liken me to the Spin option in a washing machine!

I’m not sure if I’ve been able to come up with 10 things that reflect my style, but I’ve been described at various instances by different people with different names- and many a time they’ve been mutually contradictory too! I’ve been referred to as Angel, Fairy, Dormant Volcano , Mother Hen, Doll, Spluttering Mustard, Cheeni Mulaku ( species of green chillies that can burn your tongue, intestines ). Well, it all depends I guess…

And now let the drum rolls begin: I hereby tag Alaapana and Arunima. I think I do know that both of you do not get terribly excited by tags, but then I have to tell you was this tag was pretty interesting, intriguing, exciting, entertaining, adventurous…I’ve run out of adjectives… so let me just say do it…Plisssssssss.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Realisation Of A Dream

As the date of my going on stage approached, I was filled with a gamut of emotions- excitement, thrill, anticipation, fear, joy, misgivings… Practice sessions were frequent. I had to request my tuition girls to grant me leave until after the 18th of Jan. Every evening saw me cook dinner and then boarding two buses to go for my rehearsals. Kids stayed back home after school, and DH picked me up on his way back home every evening.

My friends and relatives knew how important this event was for me and even those who were far from me geographically were as excited and happy for me. I received encouragement from all sides. I can never thank them all enough .

The anxiety that I was feeling were due to several reasons: I was worried about the total expenditure that we would incur. It was a great burden on my heart but my husband re assured me that it was worth it and encouraged me constantly. Still the thought haunted me.

Another fear was if I would fumble, falter or forget my steps on stage. Again, my near and dear ones gave me confidence and courage.

I was also concerned about how I would help my tuition girls with catching up with their portions.

However, in spite of all these anxieties, I enjoyed my rehearsals completely and forgot everything else while I was at the classes. My knees still pained but it was much tolerable. Only the bus rides were a bit tedious because it used to be jam packed.

Finally the D-Day dawned. My amma , mema( aunt), cousin, her husband and Vallyamma (MIL)were with me. We had stage rehearsals the previous evening. For the first time in my life, I performed to the accompaniment of live orchestra. It was a totally different experience. The stage was sprawling and I was bewildered. My Guru gave us instructions as to how to cover the stage, stand, face the audience everything. The other girls had done this before and seemed to be at ease. The little ones who were doing it for the first time seemed cheerfully nonchalant.

I helped to compose the MC material and enjoyed doing it.

We had to reach the hall at 11 a.m on the day though the program was scheduled to commence only at 6.15p.m. I was the first to reach there with my box of accessories, costume and precious salangai. Soon the others followed and the make up room was opened for us. The make up artistes were from Chennai and they set about doing up our hair almost immediately. The air was festive with the little ones prancing around excitedly. What was most endearing was the way how everyone- the other girls, both the seniors and juniors, the mothers who had accompanied them were all so affectionate and helpful. We had brought lunch from home and everyone shared with one another. The senior girls kept reminding the boisterous little ones not to tire themselves out. I kept getting sms’es and calls from my friends and well wishers wishing me luck. I was not feeling completely relaxed and tried to take deep breaths and kept chanting for most of the time.

When my face was done, and I looked into the mirror, I was not too happy with how I looked. But the other girls assured me that I looked fine. We helped one another with the costumes. My mother, Vallyamma, aunt, cousin came to the green room to see me. My cousin wanted to click me and I posed for her self consciously.

Finally it was time. My Guru blessed us, did salangai pooja and wished us Luck. The lights dimmed and I waited in the wings with a pounding heart. The music started, the beats began and I stepped into the arc lights- on the stage…what happened afterwards I cannot describe. How does one put into words the unfurling of a Dream- The Magic of a Transcendental Experience? The energy that pulsated within my spirit as I took my steps to the rhythm of the Music Beats – perhaps I could call it Resurrection?

It was an invocatory item- Pushpanjali- a floral tribute seeking the Blessings of The Almighty, The Guru, The Accompaniments, and The Audience for a successful performance. As I bowed in front of my Guru, I was overcome by a feeling of immense Gratitude. The piece moved smoothly- and as I danced my way towards the exit finally- I entered the backstage and I broke down into huge hysterical sobs. I had had no inkling that it was coming and I was unable to stop myself.

All the other girls waiting there gathered around me offering words of comfort and solace. They were so overpoweringly affectionate and concerned – it was all so overwhelming. Someone offered water, another gingerly dabbed my eyes reminding me not to smudge my make up! Slowly, I regained my composure and after those cathartic moments, I felt strangely subdued and blank for the rest of the evening.

After the next couple of items, it was time for me to go onstage again. I was no longer nervous and yet I made a small mistake. The evening went on smoothly and friends and relatives showered me with compliments. My loved ones treated me as if I were a celebrity! I accepted all the affection, appreciation gratefully, though by now, I was feeling like a third person and everything was happening to someone else and not to me.

Gratitude- Immense Gratitude, A sense of complete, Total fulfillment. A feeling of being filled with Blessedness, deep Gratitude- yes I just have to keep reiterating the word Gratitude- again and again... for Everything- a sense of utter Humility...wonder and lots and lots of Love that I am at the point of Bursting. Every word that I wish to utter is choked by sobs the tears come gushing forth- not out of sadness but just sheer joy... I have no words to express- no language can quite do justice to express what I I just bow my head with closed eyes and folded palms in prayer.