Monday, November 20, 2006

Home Sweet Home

Recently, I read a post in which the writer says that she is in quest of a ‘home’. Home is not where she lives currently. ‘Home’ used to be where her mom was, but now when she went back it no longer felt like Home. Then where is her ‘home’? She is still looking- she does get glimpses of ‘home’ at certain moments- but they’re transient…she wonders if she’s chasing a mirage, whether ‘home’ has been relegated to a mere concept? She is worried if she will be chasing it forever?

That set me wondering…what is ‘home’ for me? Today, it is this place where I live with my husband and children- the answer forms in my mind immediately. Why is this place ‘home’ for me, I want to find out. I think that I’ve never connected home with its geographical location.

For me, home is this flat where I live. Here, I rule. I do what I like when I like, how I like. No questions asked, no answers expected. I like that. While I’m not totally undisciplined, I’ve never enjoyed living by rules. I like to move ‘araam se’- I love to amble along life, watch others racing by- wave to them. I don’t enjoy living by the clock to the second. I like to just follow it casually. If I make commitments, I’ve to stick to it and I do it. But if I’ve to be racing against time and demands constantly, I lose perspective of who I’m. I need respite in between.

Any place where I would have to do things by clockwork, where I have to do things according to rules charted out by others, within stipulated time would be stifling. This I mean only with regard to ‘home’ and not work place. I used to work in the past and had no problems with punctuality, sincerity, overtime, deadlines. It is only ‘Home’ where I expect things to be laid back. In fact that is why I call it ‘home’ in the first place.

For me, home is the place to unwind, relax. Of course, there should be some basic discipline especially if one is bringing up kids. May be sleeping late now and then, bathing a little later than usual, postpone the folding of laundry ( provided it is not piled on the living room sofa) and yet the sky would not come crashing down. Having to abide by strict rules and timings at all times, then that would not be ‘home’ for me.

I understand that I don’t enjoy doing things because I’m supposed to or expected to.
However, with age comes responsibilities and duties to others and I understand and accept that Life is not about having my way all the time, it is not about doing only those things that I like. I’m willing to adjust and accommodate for others now and then, as long as I know it’s not going to be forever and that I’ll be going ‘home’ sooner or later. :-)

But I need to be on my own in between to get recharged to be able to extend beyond my comfort zone and fulfill my responsibilities cheerfully and sincerely.

I also realise that definitions of love, acceptance and tolerance have evolved with changes in my life.

I’m not too sure if my definitions are right- Sometimes I even have doubts if it is fair. But I’ve no choice but to acknowledge that this is how I am.


Anonymous said...

read this post and thought it was so much like me!

WhatsInAName said...

Well said!

Thats exactly how I would view my home too :) A place not bound by too many rules or time or too much discipline!