Monday, October 16, 2006

Stagnant thoughts

I’m so bored- bored with my style of writing, bored with my thoughts, bored with my words, sentences - so much that though I feel the need to post, I don’t feel like posting what I write. I want to write differently- each time. But I don’t know how to- this is the only way I can. I go bloghopping around at least 100 blogs- covering my blog roll and the other list that I’ve collected on my list of favourites in my PC- and I wish I could write like some of them.

I realize that had I been a reader of my posts, I wouldn’t have added my URL to my list of favourites. I do like some of them but those were written long ago.

But like I said this is the way I write and I know no other way. I seem to draw a blank now. I feel the need to express in words but I’m not satisfied with the attempts. What could be the reason, I try to delve- lack of topics, lack of thoughts, lack of vocabulary- I don’t know. I’m just bored I guess. In spite of the need to reach out to the virtual world- in spite of the need to write for my own self, I’m still unable to do so. Actually, I’ve picked up a couple of tags while bloghopping and kept it in reserve- to post when I feel the need desperately.

I first entered blogging through Sulekha- in June 2003. I steeped into the arena gingerly, with hesitant steps not knowing what to expect, but gradually there formed this circle of bloggers with whom one became friends. It was such fun and these friends were as dear to me as my real life friends. But with time, changes happened.

Today, when I go to Sulekha, I can see a similar camaraderie among the current bloggers there. Now, when I go there, I feel the feeling that one feels when one visits one’s College campus after many years. One remembers the familiar landmarks, the sense of belonging/ proprietorship with nostalgia.. However, to the current generation one is an outsider and that seems strange. One feels like going up to them and telling them- "Excuse me, I too belonged here once, and by the way, you’re stepping on my footprints". :-)
May be thats how Rip Wan Winkle must've felt when he woke up after years.
But then it does not matter. Nothing matters. No regrets. It just is. And I accept it.

My pc crashed yet again the other day, and once again I lost the list of favourites that I had stored in my pc- those other than the ones on my blogroll. And I’m painstakingly compiling them again. I go bloghopping on every site on both my lists, but I hardly comment these days. This is because I do most of my reading offline and hence it is difficult to post comments on the spur of the moment. Besides by the time I reach the different blogs, everything to be said would’ve already been said and so I leave no footprints.

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