Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Between Yesterday and Today...

Between last time that I posted here, and today, something among many things had changed. A person who had been living and breathing then was no more now- sure that happens every day at every corner of the world, but when it happens to somebody one has known to a little extent atleast , talked to- laughed with- the reaction, the experience is different.

On 18th sat noon, M maami -a neighbour from the flat upstairs called me and informed
me tearfully that R- the young married daughter of the people in the opposite flat had committed suicide in her huband's home ( which is near by).

At first, nothing registered. I just couldn't grasp anything that i heard and blabbered something like an idiot- simply because I could not believe what I had heard- that sweet, soft spoken girl- no more!! And when the truth finally seeped in, my first impulse was to try to rewind time and revoke the incident. I felt that if we tried immediately, we could undo the situation. I kept asking maami if she was sure that everything was indeed over- perhaps she was mistaken- perhaps she had been just injured- perhaps she had misunderstood the news- but no- maami had just returned after seeing the ‘body’- a person we called R was now ‘the body’.

It came like a bolt to us and the other neighbours. Besides, I was under the impression that she was happy in marriage- apparently, I was mistaken- she was having problems- with her MIL, SIL and hubby-
The last time( during diwali) I had seen her and talked to her, she seemed fine...
and it turns out that it was not a suicide- she was being physically abused- her MIL was not allowing the son to talk to her etc...and the girl had not even told her parents all this- they knew there were some problems but she had always maintained that he was a good man and things would be fine soon- I cant even begin to recount how the MIL behaved later when the body arrived after the post mortem- the happennings were extremely disturbing-

We are now hearing all kinds of stories of the harrassment meted out to that girl... she was not being allowed to even phone her parents- and perhaps we’ll never get to know what actually happened that morning.

The parents are totally devastated- case has been lodged against the husband and MIL- seems she was hit in the head- and then they tried to make it look like a case of hanging- and now they have the gall to say she was having an affair- and all of us know that it is just impossible- the relatives of the girl are now telling her parents that they should've brought the girl home- but they were not aware that things were so bad- seems the girl had not told them... whenever they
asked her, seems she would say that her husband was a very good person at heart and she was sure that soon things would be fine...

Anyways, I too went for the condolence- I saw R – ‘the body’ lain on the floor- she looked so serene and peaceful- almost like she was smiling- she looked emaciated- she had always been slim and had even seemed to have gained some weight when I had seen her last, but now she looked emaciated. Needless to say, the scene was heartwrenching- I came back with a depressed soul and a pounding headache-

The next few days had been very upsetting for all of us here in this apartment block...and am just not able to stop thinking about her- I keep remembering the times I talked to her- how she had burst crackers with my sons during diwali- how we used to tease her when her
husband used to call her on phone so frequently after the engagement-how we had attended her wedding-

So many questions kept haunting me- abt her last moments- she had not called her folks for more than a month- she would’ve longed to see her parents- she would’ve felt so lonely, unloved during her last days- seems she had not been eating even- and now she is beyond all pain and sorrow- all in a matter of a few moments…


Vivek said...

Lost for words here... I wish people were more human!

GettingThere said...

I can imagine how that would affect you.... It is so sad, isn't it? We teach our daughters tolerance to prepare them to fit better with their new families - but we fail to tell them "DO NOT TOLERATE INJUSTICE. DO NOT TOLERATE CRUELTY. WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU - YOU CAN COME BACK ANYTIME IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT FOR YOU. DO NOT STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP". No, we don't teach that to our daughters. And we need to teach them to stand up for themselves.

Leon said...

Curses to those ppl,its really depressing to know that there r so many cases of domestic violence n that the injusticed actually keep their mouth shut...It aint right

Bhim said...

We all feel sorry for the lost soul.. but most importantly, what can I or you do to prevent such a thing in future???

I don't know how well positioned I am, but this I know that I have been very very close to commiting suicide myself somehow barely managed through.

My only learning from the entire painful (to put it lightly) experience was this:

Talk. Communicate, just let the words out, to anyone... absolutely anyone. R , it seems, could not talk to her parents, nor her InLaws. My only suggestion was that she should have told someone about her misery, and maybe she would have been alive today. Maybe not out of her misery, but nonetheless, alive, with the hope of someday having a better life.

Usha said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I can imagine the pain she must have been through to take such an extreme decision.But I really wish she would have had the courage to fight the system and walk out rtaher than give up her precious life - for what purpose?
I think parents of daughters have to give them this valuable lesson that nothing is worth giving up life.