Monday, November 21, 2005

A Mother to her child...

November18th

My child!
You are growing up and I realize it with a mixture of emotions. While on the one hand I’m proud to observe the changes in you as you are on the way to becoming a young man, on the other hand, there is a pang in my heart- that precognition of the void to come when you finally find your wings. A mother’s predicament is strange, she wants her child to become a strong, independent, adult and yet somewhere it hurts.

You, you were my baby, you were born a long, long time ago- in my heart before you came into my lap- you were cuddled, fondled much much earlier_ I heard your gurgles much before you were actually born- you were nurtured and cherished in my dreams before you took form in my womb…
Your lisp, your cries, your sniffles are a part of my life than your’s- they are a part of my existence- memories that I shall cherish long after you have becom that adult with the withering look.

I realize that I might have nagged you, harassed you, tormented you with my rules and commandments- all I can only say it was with the best of intentions- Please don’t let those anger you against me, please don’t let the bitterness of those random moments make you hate me-

Remember the time when I’ve held you close, the times when I’ve smothered you with love, the times when I’ve wiped your tears… think of those too please…

My child, I’m just a human being with more flaws than perfections. My anger may have been misplaced at times- but then do you know that when you hurt, I hurt even more? There have been times when after a real bitter session of arguments and counter arguments- after all the seething subsides- and all have gone to sleep, I’ve come and sat beside you, gazing at your sleeping form- and I remember the times when you were a baby- your baby talk- a sigh escapes and I long to turn back time- or atleast freeze the present moment- I notice the faint stubble on your chin and I smile- my baby- is no longer a baby… sometimes I cannot recognize the voice that I hear…

And though at times,I seem impatient withyour long winding stories, I know I shall miss those most when you move on- I’m so happy that for now, you want to share your thoughts, ideas and dreams with me- forgive me the times when I shoo you away- I’m a frazzled home maker to with tasks and chores to complete…

Child, I ask nothing of you, when the time comes, I shall set you free- let the bonds that bind us not become bondages- you go ahead and seek your dreams- I wish you success, I wish you happiness to face your Destiny- I can wish, I can pray, but I can’t make your life- If I had my way, you would never falter, never fall- though I know that it’s the falls, the wounds and the scars that will make you stronger… You just go on ahead- and if you look back, if ever you need me, you will find your mother with her arms outstretched- my lap will always be waiting if you ever need to rest- my fingers will try to wipe that crease off your brow- and soothe your pain and worries-

And if I’m far away, even then when you need me, just close your eyes, and you will feel my touch, my love, my care, my prayers enveloping you…

I know how difficult it will be to let go off that finger that I’ve been holding, and just let you move on your own- and now I remember my parents, I understand, and feel their love for me- I realise how they must have felt when they let me go on…




5 comments:

aria said...

Heart warming stuff! I'm sure my mother would have felt something similar.
Sometimes I think -if I ever marry it would be only coz I wanna be a mother :)

Belated Happy Anniversary :)

Arundhati said...

Wow! Ardra, this is so beautiful, so sensitive. Hope everyone gets a mother like you :-)

Luv
Arundhati

Priyamvada_K said...

"..strong, independent, adult and yet somewhere it hurts"

Yes! Very conflicting emotions indeed. A part of us wants to hold on to their baby self even when we are happy that they're growing up.

Priya.

Srijith Unni said...

Wonderful..! This is heartfelt writing, Ardra..! Really touches a chord..! Great tribute to all mothers..!

Long time since you posted..!

Have Fun, Take Care and God Bless.!

With Best Regards,
Srijith.

scarlettwrites said...

Wow, Ardra. Motherhood at its very best.

Loved these lines, they convey the pang of motherhood so, so well. - "And if I’m far away, even then when you need me, just close your eyes, and you will feel my touch, my love, my care, my prayers enveloping you…