Thursday, March 10, 2005

Just like that...

I have been wondering why I have not been able to write anything of late…I guess it happens sometimes to everybody- one just loses interest in everything…writing seems boring - and in some of the other blogspots, I notice people sometimes record each day as it passes by…and I wondered how it would be if I did something like that?

In that case, my blogs would technically be almost the same everyday- I guess, but if I were to jot down the thoughts, the feelings of each day- then may be it would be different- and I am sure that some of the thoughts would be very, very detrimental to Ardra’s image here! :- )
Ah- ha- I’ve become a victim of being stuck in an image…y’day, as I was rambling away in a mail to one of my friends here on DSS…I just went on writing some incoherent rubbish- but upon a closer look, decided it was a bit blog- material! Eureeks! ( a mix of eureka and eeks!- in case u’re wondering)

So here you are, and don’t blame me if u feel I’m ranting…like I read on some other blog- its my blog, and I chose to rant here for now! :- )

Time and again, we feel bound to stick to definitions of ourselves sometimes given to us by others or sometimes as we perceive ourselves...and that somehow curbs our spontaneous responses, gestures, actions...sometimes these boxes are deliberately created by us and sometimes they evolve on their own without us being aware of it...people around us form their own perceptions of us coloured by their own experiences and attitudes...and when they respond to us accordingly, we unconsciously react according to these perceptions...thus fulfilling their perceptions of us...and at times when we deviate from these perceptions...they're confused...while actually we're not just what they thought we were…

Ardra- when she started blogging was a different person- then the other bloggers began responding in a particular way, and Ardra was evolving accordingly- and tho Ardra is definitely a part of N- but only in parts...and when sometimes more of N emerges thru Ardra, I wonder if the other bloggers are finding discrepancies between Ardra and N...mebbe some prefer Ardra to N!

From my interactions with some bloggers on a personal level, I realise that the Ardra they expected was different from the N they met...I have no idea what their reaction is ...but some of the responses have definitely undergone some kind of change- for the better or worse, I'm not really sure... some seemed to be more comfortable with the A they knew only thru blogs- the earlier ones...and as more of N spilled thru- in the blogs/mails , responses kept changing...but yet there are those who prefer N- and then there are those whose responses remain the same- both to Ardra and N- did not matter...but yes, the image cultivation was never deliberate, it just happened – my blogs have always been spontaneous, but I have chosen to explore only certain aspects on my blogs- not because I want to keep some aspects hidden but only because I’m more comfortable this way…

And now I don’t know if all this is just in my imagination…actually, nothing of this matters even…but I so desperately wanted to post a blog…

ahh..now that this rant looks to be sufficiently lengthy to qualify as a blog- hopefully- let me stop…

{Thank you friend, the unsuspecting one who has been subjected to this rant twice over- in my mail, and now in this blog…of course assuming that he/she is reading this ;-) }

7 comments:

Silent Melody said...

Hi Ardra, this is an interesting perspective. What you said about Ardra being just a part on "N" though evolved from "N" is very true. It is the same with me. I feel comfortable only in sharing certain aspects of my real life in my virtual life. No these are not selected in a cold blooded fashion to create a particular image. Just a matter of comfort. And then sometimes I feel what the heck about other people's perceptions and life is already too complicated to think about all this. Sometimes I am known to say and do certain things only for their shock value..I guess it is my Gemini twins..

buckwaasur said...

ardra...i hope u have some idea how coherent u sound...i am sure a lot of people can identify with what u wrote so articulately...:-))

buckwaasur said...

ardra...i hope u have some idea how coherent u sound...i am sure a lot of people can identify with what u wrote so articulately...:-))

Scarlett_OHara said...

Ardra,
I agree with Buckwaasur, you sound very coherent and articulate indeed. What you say is right...there is bits of other's perceptions in us and that is a reality, it is almost like your mind goes on an autopilot and gives a conditioned response in same cases...but I reckon what sets each of us apart is the interpretation of that response..and how we react to it!Awwww, I am rambling now:-). All I wanted to say was, you have put forth an interesting idea very well.

Scarlett

Ardra said...

Thank U ssm...

and Sil, I was unable to post my comments on u'r story...dunno why- so posting it here- hope u see this:
Hi Sil!
liked the feelings evoked while reading the story- liked the different analogies- to the colours, surface tension...

***Seeking, seeking something unknown in this strange land but too afraid to look for it. Afraid because she did not know what it was; afraid that she would not find it and afraid that she would lose it.***

loved these lines...sometimes we keep looking for something withour even quite knowing what it is that we are actually seeking...nd ironically, sometimes we realise we had found this elusive "something" after losing it!

***So she donned many different cloaks. Indifference was her favorite one. Calmness came a close second. Soon she could even manage to wear the masks of confidence and happiness. But could she be one of Them ever?***

These lines reminded me of:

****the mask given time, comes to be the face itself- M. Yourcenas- Memories of Hadrian.***

But, one thing, Sil, the story begins with the protagonist in the present continous of her past and ends with the present continous of her present/her future? ...the first and the last paras tho indicating the present actually implies different time spans... however the random memories in between seemed quite synchronised and chronological..

and sil, stumbled upon u'r comment on my creative dabbles site only a couple of days ago...Thank u...
as well as for the comments on my latest blog...gratifying to be understood...
love
ardra

actually buck, no, frankly I had no idea if I was sounding coherent, so u'r words ae quite encouraging...thank u scarlett- loved the way u presented u'r ideas on that other blog...

thank u all
ardra

Reshmi said...

totally identify with what u r saying ardra! :-)

and hey.... let them figure it out
sit bak and enjoy the trips ppl's minds go on - trying to form opinions abt what exists and not ;-)

Harshit said...

That's called writer's block!!