Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Trapping Time...

See what I hold in my tightly clenched fist? I’ll let u have a tiny peek- just for a moment- there…saw that? I have Time trapped within my fist…you don’t believe me? I don’t blame you…you who are so busy – you who don’t realize when the day is over and night has begun…you who cannot watch the sun set and the stars rise…

Slowly, very slowly, I loosen my fist ever so little…and a handful of moments slither too soon…In a flash I close my fist tighter than ever- but alas- a few precious moments are already lost to Eternity- I close a single eye and peek thru the gaps in my fingers of my clenched fist- aha- Time is yet again trapped- I breathe a sigh of relief- and yet a few stealthy moments keeps trickling through the tiny gaps- I watch helplessly…counting the truant moments …

A train flashes by along the broad gauge tracks outside- the boggies are a blur- and I watch from my balcony as if in slow motion- the second needle ticks by inside my home- an on your watch- marking off the same moments from the slice of Eternity and yet some moments are heavy, and some flit by like the caress of a feather- Theory of Relativity?

A friend of mine tells me he feels like he’s caught in a rollercoaster that does not seem to stop- whirrrrrrrr- round and round – it goes…turning him around along with it… no time to even feel queasy-

Was wondering would it be possible to lend time to those who need some spare moments- except that maybe I’d add one clause- just in case- to be returned on demand with interest…

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Just like that...

I have been wondering why I have not been able to write anything of late…I guess it happens sometimes to everybody- one just loses interest in everything…writing seems boring - and in some of the other blogspots, I notice people sometimes record each day as it passes by…and I wondered how it would be if I did something like that?

In that case, my blogs would technically be almost the same everyday- I guess, but if I were to jot down the thoughts, the feelings of each day- then may be it would be different- and I am sure that some of the thoughts would be very, very detrimental to Ardra’s image here! :- )
Ah- ha- I’ve become a victim of being stuck in an image…y’day, as I was rambling away in a mail to one of my friends here on DSS…I just went on writing some incoherent rubbish- but upon a closer look, decided it was a bit blog- material! Eureeks! ( a mix of eureka and eeks!- in case u’re wondering)

So here you are, and don’t blame me if u feel I’m ranting…like I read on some other blog- its my blog, and I chose to rant here for now! :- )

Time and again, we feel bound to stick to definitions of ourselves sometimes given to us by others or sometimes as we perceive ourselves...and that somehow curbs our spontaneous responses, gestures, actions...sometimes these boxes are deliberately created by us and sometimes they evolve on their own without us being aware of it...people around us form their own perceptions of us coloured by their own experiences and attitudes...and when they respond to us accordingly, we unconsciously react according to these perceptions...thus fulfilling their perceptions of us...and at times when we deviate from these perceptions...they're confused...while actually we're not just what they thought we were…

Ardra- when she started blogging was a different person- then the other bloggers began responding in a particular way, and Ardra was evolving accordingly- and tho Ardra is definitely a part of N- but only in parts...and when sometimes more of N emerges thru Ardra, I wonder if the other bloggers are finding discrepancies between Ardra and N...mebbe some prefer Ardra to N!

From my interactions with some bloggers on a personal level, I realise that the Ardra they expected was different from the N they met...I have no idea what their reaction is ...but some of the responses have definitely undergone some kind of change- for the better or worse, I'm not really sure... some seemed to be more comfortable with the A they knew only thru blogs- the earlier ones...and as more of N spilled thru- in the blogs/mails , responses kept changing...but yet there are those who prefer N- and then there are those whose responses remain the same- both to Ardra and N- did not matter...but yes, the image cultivation was never deliberate, it just happened – my blogs have always been spontaneous, but I have chosen to explore only certain aspects on my blogs- not because I want to keep some aspects hidden but only because I’m more comfortable this way…

And now I don’t know if all this is just in my imagination…actually, nothing of this matters even…but I so desperately wanted to post a blog…

ahh..now that this rant looks to be sufficiently lengthy to qualify as a blog- hopefully- let me stop…

{Thank you friend, the unsuspecting one who has been subjected to this rant twice over- in my mail, and now in this blog…of course assuming that he/she is reading this ;-) }