Saturday, January 01, 2005

Nostalgia-Thy sting

A sense of disquiet, somehow everything has changed. A whole generation has passed by, and I failed to notice. Kids that romped about yesterday now stride around as confident adults. We move aside, they look at me in askance, who am I? They seem to ask with their eyes. They question my presence here. How dare they? Just because, I've moved away, does not mean I do not belong anymore. I;ve my roots here, my soul was nurtured here, what I've evolved into today was because of what seeped into my soul from this very same soil.There are a few elders who look at me benevolently, for they remember that I too once belonged here. But so much water has flown under the bridge since, everything has changed.. the smells, the air seems the same from the outside, but inside everything is different- for the better? Who knows, who decides? Something amiss? Why is there this gnawing sense of loss.. Why do I feel like a nobody? Fool I was to have nursed the illusion of proprietorship to this place of my childhood.

I think I should come to terms with the situation. I hope this sense of complacence lasts. I think the time has now come for me to leave things as they are, and carry on from here rejuvenated, enlightened along paths that have been preordained to every individual without a sense of loss, without regrets..the past never dies, for it has been welded into the soul, the hue, the colour, the texture has changed.My station has arrived, here I alight, the rest have to continue onwards, wave goodbye to the fast receding co travelers, no regrets, no sorrows, Alvida, Farewell.

Zorba The Greek-Nikoz Kazansakis.

Zorba- there is a Zorba within each one of us- Zorba that lurks deep within, apparently dormant, whom we do not permit to escape without. A Zorba who struggles to spring forth, but whom we suppress, sometimes we even feign ignorance of its existence, to the extent we forget Zorba remains, and then when we remain off guard Zorba suddenly springs forth taking us by surprise, sometimes muted, sometimes in all majestic splendour. But in a society, Zorba has to be held tight within rein for the simple reason that if each one of us let out our individual Zorbas out into the open, it would be total chaos and the world would be one huge Bedlam.

Im reading -Zorba the greek- the 3rd time, each time, I understood it differently as I read the part where the 2 friends are about to separate, tears sting my eyes, but somewhere deep within me, there is a sense of fulfillment, contentment, a placidity that comes from the knowledge that the bond which is shared between friends is unique, a special cherished bond ..there is nothing to ask for, there is no want, just an understanding beyond everything, so exquisite, so logic, no reasoning..just IS , and if tomorrow, it no longer IS, it still WAS. Time, distance nothing matters, there is no name to it, it is just caring a lot, being concerned for the welfare, and wanting the very best for the Friend!

Like u said, there are no goodbyes between friendsNo farewellBut someday I shall reach out across the pastAnd then ull knowThat a friend is no moreBut that friendship is forever.

All the above are outdated diary entries, some lines I had even posted earlier. Just compiled them and re blogged!

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